Outfit: Leith dress
“So I close my eyes to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings” – Nick Frederiokson
DEEP BREATH IN.
I have some really big news to share! After 6 ½ wonderful years in Dallas, I’ve moved back to LA, the city and home that raised me. This decision was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. There was a point where my entire apartment was covered in colorful Post Its with pros and cons written all over them. I agonized over this decision and really put myself through the ringer and then it finally dawned on me that all I had to do was make a decision. And I’m here now.
Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I never thought I would ever leave LA. California has always had my heart. My parents have lived in the same pink house since before my brother and I were born. I love our house. I love that my parents have used the same brand of coffee for 20 years and there’s always a cup in the morning waiting for me. I love the beach club I’ve spent pretty much all my free time at and want to get married at one day. I love that family dinners have always been a rule at our house, not an occasional thing. I love that I think my younger brother is the coolest person on the planet.
My whole childhood I dreamed of going to USC. I was that little girl going to football games in my pint-sized cheerleader uniform. I had a USC keychain on my first car. One day during my senior year of high school, I came home and my mom handed me the small envelope. I didn’t get in. I was crushed. I remember my mom brought us both pillows because I couldn’t stop crying on the floor of our entryway. I had to give away the red dress I was wearing because it just reminded me of my failure.
So that fall I went to my second choice school instead- SMU in Dallas, Texas. And you know what? It was the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Moving away from my parents and my support system forced me to grow up. I couldn’t go home whenever I felt like dropping laundry off and I had to learn how to figure shit out on my own. I fell in love for the first time and made incredible life long friendships. I studied Fashion Journalism and just completely loved it. I had several amazing internships and right after I graduated, I landed my dream job. Dallas had been really good to me and I was so happy.
About a year and a half after I graduated, things had changed and I started becoming really anxious. My long-term college relationship had failed and while my job was perfect for me on paper, it no longer felt like the right place for me to grow. At that point, I seriously considered throwing in the towel and moving back to LA. I’m so glad I didn’t though because I realize now that I would have just been running away. I started thinking of other things I wanted to do in Dallas like event planning, interior design or styling. I must have polished my resume a 100 times but I just wasn’t ready to take that leap quite yet. I was in a new relationship that felt really good, I loved my tight circle of extremely supportive and amazing friends (more on them in Monday’s post!) and I was so proud of the home I had created in my little apartment.
Over the past year, I realized what I really want to do is devote myself fully to Brooke du jour. This blog has been such a huge labor of love for me. Brooke du jour turns 5 in August, and I really feel like it’s time to give this space my full attention and give it a chance to really grow. I was tired of Brooke du jour being the 10th priority on my list with jobs and internships always coming before it. A few months ago I read somewhere to “fearlessly pursue what sets your heart on fire” and it really stuck with me.
I was beyond terrified to make this decision but finally recently found the courage to jump all the way in with my family’s support in LA. I think part of the reason why I had such a hard time with this decision was because I didn’t want to let go of Dallas. I love Dallas and it has been such a positive place for me. I think I finally realized that by letting go, I wasn’t ending anything but it was more about accepting the life stage I’m in now.
So here we are. I feel really proud of myself for spreading my wings. I have no idea where Brooke du jour is going to be a year from now, but I know that right now this place feels good and I want to chase that good feeling. I promise I will always do my best with this blog and every piece of content will come from a place of integrity and love. I feel like Brooke du jour just might be my magic wand and I have my groove back. I’m taking a big step forward into this fresh chapter with bravery, determination and a full heart. When I made this life altering decision, I chose to trust my intuition, defy my life long fear of change and believe in myself. My faith is more powerful than my fear.
In LA, I obviously want to cultivate my blog but I also want to nurture my soul- and that means stepping far away from my comfort zone and saying YES to all different kinds of adventures. I used to have this problem where I didn’t do something if I was afraid I would be bad at it. I’m realizing now that was a ridiculous way to live and ideas like that kept me small. Since landing in LA, I’ve signed up for classes in pretty much everything ranging from SoulCycle to French to meditation to photography to acting. Basically if it’s something that used to seem scary or intimidating, sign me up—and don’t let me chicken out.
I hope that by sharing my truth it allows me to fully move on and for anyone reading this who also might be struggling, I hope this helps you know it’s okay to let go of what you thought your life was supposed to be like and embrace the unknown. Oh and remember to love yourself because that’s the key to the real party.
DEEP BREATH OUT.